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Counselling for jealousy

Jealousy is a natural emotion but it can be painful, difficult to control and often suffocates a relationship. Jealousy can cause you to experience a wide range of feelings. From insecurity and suspicion to rejection, fear, anger or anxiety. Jealousy strikes both men and women and may be real or imagined. Our counselling for jealousy and CBT and Counselling can help.

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is the feeling that someone might try and take what’s yours. Most of us have felt it at one time or another. It could range from a mild annoyance to a rage inside you, consuming you until you feel you want to explode. Although it is a common emotional reaction when a person is feeling threatened, jealousy is one of biggest relationship killers out there.

When someone feels jealous, they feel that someone or a situation is threatening something that they value highly, especially a relationship. Jealousy can make you feel angry, anxious and threatened. You might become hyper-vigilant, oversensitive and possessive.

Jealousy is an unhealthy, unproductive negative emotion. People who struggle with controlling, jealous feelings are often struggling with deeper issues. Uncontrolled jealous behaviour is typically a symptom of insecurity and a low self-esteem.

Jealousy occurs most commonly within a romantic relationship, although it can occur between siblings and other family members, in friendships and in professional relationships.

The impact of jealousy on a relationship

A small amount of jealousy can be good. For example, if it’s mild and well-managed it can help a couple to appreciate each other. However, extreme jealousy can destroy relationships and damage your health. Often issues arise when your spouse hasn’t done anything wrong and yet you regularly feel jealous or insecure.

Jealous behaviour can be extremely damaging to a relationship. At best a jealous partner is needy and constantly looking for reassurance that they are the only one. At its worst, jealousy can manifest itself in n controlling and distrustful behaviour, and even physical or emotional abuse.

A jealous partner may try to control the actions of their partner. Checking where they are at all time. Monitoring calls, texts or emails. This behaviour sets up a pattern of distrust and will eventually cause a relationship to collapse. More about jealousy and relationships

Where does jealousy come from?

Remember, our jealousy often comes from insecurity within ourselves. Often a feeling that we are bound to deceived, hurt or rejected. Unless we deal with this feeling in ourselves, we are likely to fall victim to feelings of jealousy, distrust or insecurity in any relationship, no matter what the circumstances.

These negative feelings about ourselves originate from very early experiences in our lives. We often take on the feelings our parents had towards us or toward themselves. We then, unconsciously, replay or recreate the old, familiar dynamics in our current relationships. For instance, if we felt pushed aside as a child, we may easily perceive our partner as ignoring us. We may unconsciously choose a partner who is distant or elusive. We may even engage in behaviours that push our partner away.

The extent to which we took on self-critical attitudes as children often shapes how much our critical inner voice will affect us in our adult lives, especially in our relationships. The degree to which we believe this fear affects how threatened we will feel in a relationship.

How counselling for jealousy can help

Understanding the root cause of the behaviour can help towards controlling it. Our treatment of jealousy involves the building of your self-esteem and self- worth. This is done by establishing the aspects of your life that are not dependent on the opinion and or attention of someone else.

We will also explore if there is a history of jealousy in your family. Perhaps you experience jealousy as an adult because you were in competition with a sibling for your mother’s love? Or in competition with a parent for the other parent’s attention?

A highly jealous person’s tends to have a deep seated fear of abandonment. This frequently originates in childhood, if one or both parents were emotionally distant. We will help you explore your past to understand if this could be the reason behind your jealousy. And help you understand how these early feelings and fears can be carried into adult relationships.

In some cases the jealous person is actually unhappy with the relationship themselves. Although they may not be fully aware of it or perhaps feel guilty. It can therefore be easier for them to accuse their partner of what they are feeling themselves.

Counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy are both helpful for people are affected by jealousy. CBT challenges negative thoughts in order to reduce the intensity of their jealousy and is particularly effective in helping people change their unhelpful thinking habits.

If you would like some professional counselling for jealousy counselling. Then contact us at CBT and Counselling Kent today. Request counselling for jealousy

Self-help and further reading

“How To Overcome Jealousy, Insecurity and Trust Issues” Save Your Relationship, Love Life and Emotions. By Sofia Price (2015) Self Help – How to overcome jealousy

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